Jokes

Animal
cow   fish  mouse    

School



 cow
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"

Elephant
What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
About 5 mph.

fish
Two goldfish in a bowl talking:
Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God?
Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?

 Mouse
A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."


 School
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"
Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?


evidence / logic
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

Doctor
Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.



"Why do you take baths in milk?"
"I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower."

"You look very funny wearing that belt."
"I would look even funnier if I didn't wear it."


Did you hear about the skeleton who walked into a cafe?
He ordered a cup of coffee and a mop.

Why do we park our car in the driveway and drive our car on the parkway?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?